Cousin Jane, by Tw1itteratti

December 25, 2012

“Oh,  they’ll gossip cousin Jane if you wear that dreadful top,

with its roses round the sides and the lamé on the top.

They’ll gossip and you’ll wonder why I never told you so,

‘and the talking’, Oohh the talking, you would’nt want to know.!”

“But, I bought it cos the lady said it looked good in the shop,

with its roses round the sides and the lamé on the top.

But I was’nt sure whether I could get a cheaper price,

so I got it anyway, cos I thought it rather nice.”


Though you thought it very nice, I’m sure you will agree,

that to wear a top like that could  not possibly

Say those nice things about you that everyone can see,

why not take it back and change it,  its loud and ugly.”

“Ugly, I thought you liked this kind of thing, I’ve seen your wardrobe recently,

you’ve got a top just like it and you wear regularly.

And if I have to say, in all honesty.  You look pretty gauddy,

wrapped in your christmas tree.”

“Wrapped!”, you’ve got a nerve to be so rude a make a mock of me,

with your lamé top and the roses stuck upon the sides of thee.

They don’t compliment your shape or help disguise your curves.

Look what you’ve gone and made me do, …you’ve jangled all me nerves.

I’ve always said Cousin Jane, I’ve all the time for you,

and when I talk of gossip, it’s because I think of you.

I know you like that top  cos it’s in the current style,

but the colours are a problem,

and the cut is rather basic,

and come on lets face it,

I’d rather run a mile,

than wear a gold and lamé top in that funny style.

As you know Cousin Jane, my wardrobe’s an open book,

and I d’ont mind asking you to have another look.

You’ll notice I favour lamé, but not the rosey sides,

So, I d’ont know what you’ve seen when you’ve looked inside.”

“Agnes, Cousin Agnes, lets not argue so,

I forgot you did’nt know, but I’m going to a show.

I’ve met a new boyfriend who wants to take me out,

he wants to dine me on lobster, caviar and trout,

and all those fancy dishes, that I’ve never really had,

and all those fancy places in all those glossy mags.

His name is Alfie Braithwaite and he can be such a tease.

He says he has a fettish for rosy tops like these.

So I took me self to the shops to find one I could see,

knowing it wer’nt my type of thing, but hoping it would please.

I knew it a little gaudy, and OTT in part.

And I knew it did’nt suit me right, from the start.

But I could’nt help resist the charms of this man,

it was like my late husband Stan, …he was grand.

He was caring too, nothing in the world he would’nt do for you.

So it’s nice to see a man who’ll take me to a show

and sweep me off my feet and never let me go.

It’s romance I’m missing, I’m bored of tea at ten.

So I want to branch out and do it all again.”

“My George’s a little obstinate, ….you know, …always in his shed,

he’s all the time for gardening and little it must be said.

Of spending time with me now our kids are grown..

…they’ve no time these days, with jobs and kids and homes.

Oooh Alfie sounds nice.. with his dancing and romance.

…….George’s more restrained at end of day.

Given half a chance he won’t go out and dance,

and prefers playing cards anyway.

…….. enjoy yourself and wear your gaudy top,

with its roses round the sides and the lamé on the top.

And I hope you have a nice time when your spining on your heels

and perhaps you can tell me how it feels.


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